First of all, we’ve got to give credit where credit is due. A dude named Andy Synn used to write “Reviews In Haikus” for No Clean Singing. Like, for years and years. I do not know Andy personally, but he is a fantastic writer who covers a ton of great shit, and you should all go read some of it (after this bit, of course).
I also do not know if “Reviews in Haikus” was Andy Synn’s original idea, or if he was inspired by another bloke, but one thing is for certain… review haiku’s are a fun and fairly fast way to write and read about music. Now, are these “actual” haiku poems? Not really, no. 5-7-5 is the rule we stuck to, which “technically” makes these senryū poems. But that’s not really the point, and we don’t really give a shit. It’s all supposed to be fun, so don’t fuck it up with your pretentious polymathic preposterousness!
Some albums aren’t worth a squirt of piss, as evidenced by the inclusion of Limp Bizkit here. We’re not terribly interested in covering things we’re not fans of, but it isn’t terribly easy to write about things we dislike either. Lots of reasons for that, but at the end of the day it’s something we’ve spent time listening to, and none of us have time to just waste. I spent an hour with “Still Sucks,” and this is all I’ve got to say about the fucking thing:
Still Sucks – Limp Bizkit
Gangrenous bedsore
Technicolor agony
The shit that shit shits
Rating: 1/5
Eloge De l’Ombre – Creature
French Industrial
Avant-garde Zombie Metal
Very fucking cool
Rating: 4/5
Doom Crew Inc. – Black Label Society
It sounds like Zakk Wylde
For better or worse, also
He’s not Randy Rhodes
Rating: 3/5
Lupi Amoris – Heavy Temple
High Priestess NightHawk
With a ferocious passion
Kills Greta Van Fleet
Rating: 4.5/5
The Intimate Earth – Felled
A violinist
Shredding over Black Metal
Holy fucking shit!
Rating: 4.5/5
Brain Drill Poetry – Homestyle Surgery
Tech-Thrash From Finland
Razor, Forbidden, Vektor
Metal On Metal
Rating: 3.7/5
Miasmic Purple Smoke – Bog Wizard
Did someone say Doom?
Fucking Dungeons and Dragons?
Gotta be Detroit.
Rating: 4/5
Thank you, my friends, for reading TMW’s first edition of Review Haiku. Your continued support means the world to us, truly. Let us know what you think of the feature, and go check out Andy Synn’s work on No Clean Singing (link below).
Cheers!
J. Wukotich
https://www.nocleansinging.com/
https://metalonmetalrecords.bandcamp.com/
https://transcendingobscurity.bandcamp.com/
https://heavytemple.bandcamp.com/
https://blacklabelsocietyband.bandcamp.com/album/doom-crew-inc
The Metal Wanderlust 