Review Haiku: December, 2021

First of all, we’ve got to give credit where credit is due. A dude named Andy Synn used to write “Reviews In Haikus” for No Clean Singing. Like, for years and years. I do not know Andy personally, but he is a fantastic writer who covers a ton of great shit, and you should all go read some of it (after this bit, of course).

I also do not know if “Reviews in Haikus” was Andy Synn’s original idea, or if he was inspired by another bloke, but one thing is for certain… review haiku’s are a fun and fairly fast way to write and read about music. Now, are these “actual” haiku poems? Not really, no. 5-7-5 is the rule we stuck to, which “technically” makes these senryū poems. But that’s not really the point, and we don’t really give a shit. It’s all supposed to be fun, so don’t fuck it up with your pretentious polymathic preposterousness!

Some albums aren’t worth a squirt of piss, as evidenced by the inclusion of Limp Bizkit here. We’re not terribly interested in covering things we’re not fans of, but it isn’t terribly easy to write about things we dislike either. Lots of reasons for that, but at the end of the day it’s something we’ve spent time listening to, and none of us have time to just waste. I spent an hour with “Still Sucks,” and this is all I’ve got to say about the fucking thing:

Still Sucks – Limp Bizkit

Gangrenous bedsore

Technicolor agony

The shit that shit shits

Rating: 1/5

Eloge De l’Ombre – Creature

French Industrial

Avant-garde Zombie Metal

Very fucking cool

Rating: 4/5

Doom Crew Inc. – Black Label Society

It sounds like Zakk Wylde

For better or worse, also

He’s not Randy Rhodes

Rating: 3/5

Lupi Amoris – Heavy Temple

High Priestess NightHawk

With a ferocious passion

Kills Greta Van Fleet 

Rating: 4.5/5

The Intimate Earth Felled

A violinist 

Shredding over Black Metal

Holy fucking shit!

Rating: 4.5/5

Brain Drill PoetryHomestyle Surgery

Tech-Thrash From Finland 

Razor, Forbidden, Vektor

Metal On Metal

Rating: 3.7/5

Miasmic Purple SmokeBog Wizard

Did someone say Doom?

Fucking Dungeons and Dragons?

Gotta be Detroit.

Rating: 4/5

Thank you, my friends, for reading TMW’s first edition of Review Haiku. Your continued support means the world to us, truly. Let us know what you think of the feature, and go check out Andy Synn’s work on No Clean Singing (link below).


J. Wukotich

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